to awaken
so sudden and abruptly,
to the only thing that brings me comfort,
ironically brings me to my nightmares
was it me crashing into everything,
while the fall was so perfectly acknowledged,
so quaint and serene,
yet loud and bold,
excitingly
I obsess over it,
trying to jump off any mountain
just to feel the fall from grace again,
blindly,
even with broken hands I'm reaching
so eloquently matched with this heart,
was it the supple form of her skin,
or the laughs we manufactured
in the sea of sheets we slept in,
****,
I would drown if that was the only way I could set sail again,
to move heaven and earth
to go through hell and suffering
just to feel you again,
in exhaustion I breath in the cold,
hours spent with a numbing drink,
hoping I could see straight intoxicated,
because everything was blurry in a perfect state,
and in the unknown
I lose who I am,
just to find the truth,
and in the truth I find love
just as lost as me.

-S.J