I look back
In the fading pages of my storybook
And think of myself as a child:
Innocent, chubby, picked on, happy
Unaware of life, went with the flow, dependent
I needed people but I would push them away
I was afraid a lot
For my brother, his future
I loved him so much
Even if he didn't talk
And hit me sometimes
But I knew he was being controlled
By a beast, a monster
I still love him anyway
Even when he's a 14 year old
Pubescent, disgusting boy going on man.
I go to school and feel my heart
Sink deeper and deeper into my chest
My mind always reeling
And my soul always retreating into me
It's hard to be me
Because I have a fear of rejection
I have a fear of opening up to others
A fear that they will see my true colors
My dark, black colors
That turn my shine, into sorrow
I can't take that
I hide myself because I'm a coward
And I find it hard to like the way I look
And like the way I am
I am starting to disgust myself
And I keep asking myself
Every single day...
*What's wrong with me?