i used to love wandering around
until i got lost in your eyes
and never returned home

i heard that if i scream loud enough
you'll come back
but i've already spent my nights
sobbing into an empty space
where your chest used to rise and fall

or maybe if i pound my fists on the ground hard enough
i'll eventually reach you with my bruised hands

i grazed your cheek yesterday and i swear
i could still feel your lips on my neck
i could still hear your voice which sounded like gravel
i could still smell you;
lavender and rain

you told me "forever"
and now that's nowhere to be found

maybe you're clutching it with the hands i'll never feel on my skin again
while you're confined in a dirt prison made of things that used to be and have yet to be

i hope your bones become a home to the prettiest of flowers
because you'll know that i meant it when i said
"flowers will grow even in the darkest parts of your soul"
but *******
i never thought you'd have to take yourself away from me in order to find that out

now "forever" is just another arrangement of 26 letters that i'll never see because without you
i don't want to

i spend my days alone
standing in the rain
and then thinking of you

i'm still hoping you'll come home
and hold me just like you used to
while i sip my tea and you kiss promises onto my body

but you're there and i'm here and i will never taste the rain again because it will always remind me of you and the "forever" you took from me