I was sick
I was so sick
I called you late,
'cause I was burning
And I thought
I might die
And I frightened myself to let you in

Your knock hurt my ears,
But so quiet you thought to knock again
Before you could,
I answered
Because there was fire in me

And you drank the sight of me
Bared to just a tanktop and my underwear
Dark rings under my eyes
Milky skin glowing phosphorescent in the dark
And for a second
I was afraid

That you would think badly of me
And refuse to come in
And say I can't help you

But then you hugged
(like you always do)
With your arms wrapped like a straitjacket
But pulled back in surprise
Because I was giving off so much heat

Then your eyes grew tight and worried
And you picked me up
bridal style

Suddenly my eyes ran
Rivering over my blazing cheeks
I swear the tears evaporated! I swear!
(I don't know what the tears were for
the wanting of you? - for so long you'd forgotten
or the relief? - that I would not die alone
or the pain? - for things I might never see)

And you set me down
Surrendered me to a long, soft floor
Pressed your cool hands to my forehead
And then to my back,

(I fancied they left blue shards of ice
Unmeltable in my white-hot skin
I almost lost my mind with pain)

And then you made the doctor come
(I don't remember this)
But my monsters had already arrived
Creeping through the darkness

I cried out, my voice
Startling you from your methodical
smoothing of my hair

I don't know if I'll make it

Maybe I won't get through this
Maybe this will be the last time
Maybe you'll be my last love
Maybe I'll have my last breath