as far as days go,
this is just another one,
and i a son,
of a man,
who died, not on this day,
for this was his birthday,
he was not an encourager,
in things he did not understand or believe,
he was not a kind man,
but he opened doors for women,
in his chauvinistic ways,
he was a jealous kind,
he was an alcoholic kind,
he was a smoking kind,
                      he was blind,
to the wrongs,
that he did, and his tough language
hid a man who was a boy
always looking for the approval,
he found somewhere else,
he changed,
he grew,
he became a new creature,
before his God,
this was a good thing,
at fifty two and one third
an aneurysm
blew a small hole with
force, a pin ***** in a spot
in his brain,
and drain away the good and the bad
that was my dad,
he never went back to work again,
he was there for the next twenty two years,
conversations had left me in tears,
for there was no depth,
as I would go to my car or
to catch the bus and sit, looking
back at his home then the home,
but to my fault I chose no one else
to ask the tough questions about
raising kids,
I chose no surrogate,
I went
on my way
alone,
but that is another story,
for today is his day,
remembering playing catch,
taking turns,
with my mom or my brother,
he was a carver,
he was a boat maker,
he wrote letters to politicians,
he liked to go fly fishing,
which he taught me, but I never got hooked,
but
driving him home,
from the Militia,
when he had had, imbibed too much,
muttering under his breath about the laws
and such and such,
later he came to our wedding,
and left too soon,
he and his new spouse prayed
while we hiked and fancied completing
the Appalaichan Trail with a two year old,
their prayers brought us safely home,
but at seventy four after a fall and time in a
home, he died alone, I cried out when I was
told on January 8, that day the year,
he is gone.
So today, I raised a glass of red,
took a moment and said,
thanks dad, for what you did do.
May I forgive and forget the rest.