Esperanza means Hope, not despair.
Love, not Death.
So why is my best friend gone forever?
The questions gush unanswered as my pillow soaks up tears.
I just want her back. I just want her to be here. I just want her back.
I sleep hoping never to wake up.
As in a dream, wandering about, I'm lost in a haze unsure of my place or where I am going. Thinking, always of her. Where did she go? I open my eyes in darkness, only to see more of the same.
No sunshine wakes me today, only clouds,
Lingering thoughts of the alcohol, the accident, her smile.
I have lost my Hope, and the rain falls with me this morning.
***
Pain stings deeper than ever now as eyes turn misty, like clouds have drifted in front of them.
You can hardly see but through the fog of grief, or raining tears.
Thunderstorms are frequent, banging in your chest.
Brief the flashes of lightning, a blaze of clarity hits:
Her memory is the seed you thought you planted in the ground. You visited her grave that morning, but she wasn't where you left her. She is buried in your mind and in your heart.
You need to water now and when your eyes dry up, as they will, and return to sparkling beautifully, don't feel bad. Feel how deep your roots are planted, they will only give you strength.
Clouds have passed, burned off by a brilliant afternoon Sun.
She is not gone, but with you more than ever.
She is the warmth you feel on your brown shoulder on a beautiful day in Spring.
Her smile is the shining Sun of the Universe, ringing laughter from an eternal soul.
So don't feel like you have to let Espy go,
Only realize that it's time to let your little plant grow.