Apr 2014
3.23.14*
Remember the evenings when we sat on your trampoline and listened to music that belonged in movies?
What could you have possibly thought of me in those moments that I opened up?
Did you actually still love me or did you think me a fool?
I thought you belonged with the sky on those evenings that the sun set in a pool of gold, because you were perfect enough.
I thought that the line of your nose and the curve of your jaw was perfect.
I suppose I still do.
It's like you died, darling.
That's how I feel.
I can't even talk to you anymore because you'd never answer.
I can't ask you how your sister is doing or how you and Joshua are in your friendship.
And you won't ask me how I'm doing because why would you all of the sudden care?
It's funny because you never really asked how I was doing, at least I can't ever remember a time.
Did you ever really care?
Was that entire six months a lie?
God, did I fork over my heart for only to gain a sense of heartache?
Please, I need to know.
Every time I think of never talking to you again my soul tightens and so do my eyes.
Or maybe they droop.
Can you tell?
Even as I am sitting here writing this all, pouring out my feelings my heart still forgives you for not replying to me.
For hating me. .
And I hate how I can't hate you, couldn't even bring myself anywhere near.
I hate the way you look at me with wide eyes, suspicious deer eyes, like I'm going to explode into a million pieces at your feet, like I'm going to beg for you back.
As if you're good enough for that.
Did Marina not feel like me?
You ditched her rather quickly, I have to say.
That was a **** move on your part.
Who's your new conquest?
Your new unsuspecting victim?
Jessica maybe?
Ir Gilly again?
They all think you're a lake, glassy and smooth.
But they don't get the shallow part.
You don't have layers, you don't even have leagues.
So how did I fall into your 2000 league deep eyes?
I must not have known how to swim. .
Remember the evenings when we sat on your trampoline and listened to music that belonged in movies?
What could you have possibly thought of me in those moments that I opened up?
Did you actually still love me or did you think me a fool?
I thought you belonged with the sky on those evenings that the sun set in a pool of gold, because you were perfect enough.
I thought that the line of your nose and the curve of your jaw was perfect.
I suppose I still do.
It's like you died, darling.
That's how I feel.
I can't even talk to you anymore because you'd never answer.
I can't ask you how your sister is doing or how you and Joshua are in your friendship.
And you won't ask me how I'm doing because why would you all of the sudden care?
It's funny because you never really asked how I was doing, at least I can't ever remember a time.
Did you ever really care?
Was that entire six months a lie?
God, did I fork over my heart for only to gain a sense of heartache?
Please, I need to know.
Every time I think of never talking to you again my soul tightens and so do my eyes.
Or maybe they droop.
Can you tell?
Even as I am sitting here writing this all, pouring out my feelings my heart still forgives you for not replying to me.
For hating me. .
And I hate how I can't hate you, couldn't even bring myself anywhere near.
I hate the way you look at me with wide eyes, suspicious deer eyes, like I'm going to explode into a million pieces at your feet, like I'm going to beg for you back.
As if you're good enough for that.
Did Marina not feel like me?
You ditched her rather quickly, I have to say.
That was a **** move on your part.
Who's your new conquest?
Your new unsuspecting victim?
Jessica maybe?
Ir Gilly again?
They all think you're a lake, glassy and smooth.
But they don't get the shallow part.
You don't have layers, you don't even have leagues.
So how did I fall into your 2000 league deep eyes?
I must not have known how to swim. .
