Hi Matt,

After further consideration, unfortunately, at this time, we are unable to pay you a meager wage to place food on a tray and carry it.  I would like to placate the fear dominating your psyche that you are considered worthless by our utilitarian capitalist society with hollow thanks. I will keep your application on file for the next three months or whatever and in the rare event that our needs change, we will contact you to see if you haven't killed yourself yet.

Sincerely,

Potential Employer #283