He slept in that bed
long before I came into
the picture
navy blue sheets
golden brown bedposts.
I could always run my fingers
along the wall that connected us at night
his steady breath a steady
reminder
that all was well,
all was normal.


He came home from school
my parents around the dining table
shifting weight, waiting.
A letter with letters, words
of navy blue and shining gold.
Congratulations we are pr…


Smiling, embracing
          mind racing
We still had precious months…
Until liftoff.


Gazing at the bed
tired eyes
foggy with 3 am,
now foggier with tears.
His steady breath
a comforting metronome
lulled me to rest on the cool
hardwood floor
The room was warm,
full, occupied
with steady breaths,
cardboard boxes and love.


The car flew away before I could put my shoes on.
through the dust
“I couldn’t see the permanence.”
I waved
I waved until my arm burned hot
enough to evaporate the falling water from my eyes.
“If I closed my eyes
I wouldn’t see him go.”

Gazing at the bed.
tired eyes.
foggy with 4 pm
now foggier with emptiness.
He left a dent in the mattress
a comforting mold
I tried to fit
Tried to fill the space left behind.
The room was gusty,
empty, vacant,
with distant breaths,
dust and new negative space.

He slept in that bed
long before I came into
the picture
navy blue sheets
golden brown bedposts.
I could always run my fingers
along the wall that connected us at night.

The wall has swelled, hallowed.
I still trace it
listening,
waiting
for the void to narrow.