of all things to do on a rainy day
you dig a friends grave with bare hands
until hands are bloodied
and nails are splintered
not stopping
accepting the pain
tossing hand-fulls of dirt over shoulder
one by one
each a memory
gazing up at a purple sky
blinded by rain
never closing your eyes
continuing to claw away
tears replacing raindrops
you try to sing
but nothing comes out
and you bury the song
and you try to bury the memories
but you cannot dig deep enough
you try but you begin to tire
****** hands together over head
you begin to pray
to a god you don't believe in
but desperately search for
you begin to dig again
searching for release
you hear others crying
they are not down in a hole
with hands turned claws
there is no dirt under their nails
they are not bleeding
they brought umbrellas and flowers
and dressed in black
you dressed in white and brought no flowers
only blood and tears
this is the debt that must be paid
you want to pay it alone
this was supposed to be your day
your act of piety
you are selfish
you keep on digging
deeper
reaching stone
and then it's over
you can go no further
exhausted, bloodied, and soiled
you emerge from the grave
grabbing an umbrella
you smile
and walk away
red-handed