If to be loved
Feels like tugging on sinew
The way a lazy harpist plucks her strings.

If to be loved
Tastes like bitter wine and sweet dirt.

If to be loved
Is like holding a shard of glass between your teeth
While jumping on a tight rope,
Then I will not have it.

If to be loved
Means learning to love...

Then I publicly refuse this offer.
And I return to the life I used to lead.
Caked in grey and devoid of warmth

So unlike the unbearable heat of your skin
When you wake me with lips on a hot summer's night
And I cannot muster the strength to push you away.
So by your hair I pull you near
And that scream I feel from deep in my gut will
Not make its way to my vocal chords.

I refuse to love anyone again.
Especially one as impermanent as you.