i miss the oh so innocent handholding in the movie theater and the sitting in the darkness at that party and the giggles i had while our friends ran around betting if you'd kiss me that night.
we sat for hours on end and talked. talked about high school and how thrilling it would be to finally be old and have the freedom we knew would come and friends and that boy you hated on your popwarner football team because he had a crush on me.

then it came, that wretched thing called highschool.

when it did it crashed like a wave on an unknowing passerby.
you changed and just like that it wasn't innocent and it wasn't sweet.
you kept going and going and taking it farther and farther
and looking back now, i don't know how it would be if i stuck around.

hands that once were just held, transformed into hands that weren't satisfied and wandered and pulled at my clothes while my clouded mind didn't know how to say no and i wish i could take it all back.

our talks, they weren't so naive. all of a sudden the topic of school and youth was flipped to arguments on where i would attend college and how many kids i wanted and what state we'd live in.

walking in halls? they turned into stops before lunch where we'd spend forever whispering and teasing and touching.

arguments were then transfigured into you scolding me like i was some baby. who were you?

and texts in the phone were switched to messaging so my mom would never see what you sent me.

im sorry you never got what you really wanted.
im sorry i never did anything right.
im sorry you lost your friends.
im sorry i was too ******* up.
im sorry i knew you too well and figured out how to end my despair.
im sorry.
and im sorry i ruined your life.