I had a dream...
That one day the screaming would stop ringing in my ears.
That one day the tears would no longer stain my cheeks.
That one day,
The pain would end
and not by the bottle in the medicine cabinet...
I was right.
It stopped.
At least the actions did.
But what was the price?
Abandoning the problem?
Realizing that you are better than what they made of you?
That you are not a whore?
Not a horrible, numb excuse for a human being?
Sounds easy to throw away, doesn't it?
They why do I keep looking at the bathroom door?
Thinking that bottle is the only thing to make it stop hurting...
Anything.
I would do anything to break free of this depression.
This pain that encompasses my every spoken word,
my every thought,
my every step...
Makes you feel like you're losing it...
Like nothing you do, matters.
Just turn off this God damn song and shut the fuck up.
I can't stand it anymore.
These jumbled words, jostling around for release...
Never hitting their mark with their poison tipped arrows.
Just kill it.
Kill this longing...
For what?
Who the hell knows.
We always want more, right?
What's so fucking bad about being happy?
Maybe because I don't know what that means...
Just go.
Let my rotting carcass stay in this chair,
watching the shadows dance across the walls
while the demon whispers in my ear...
Burn it down.