Apr 2014
I dreamt of all sorts of scary **** last night.
Of being hurt of being watched of being followed.
Scary faces scary voices scary sounds.
Then I found you behind one of the walls. I found you
And you were different
And I was different too
We were older
We were tired
And you held my hand
Made me feel the longing
The stuff I tuck away
The feeling I normally swallow
The longing for being comfortable
Like an old pair of shoes
Fitting perfect no surprises
When I feel that way I get sad
Thinking of routines
Thinking of warmth
Dogs
Tv and laundry
So I have to remember
Why my routines are new
Why I live across town
When I get sad
It’s because I remember the good
If I think of the bad
When once it was all that I could
I remember the arguments
The words that cut to my soul
I remember the times you’d say things you’d held on to
And the shame I felt
The times when it was just for you
And how I’d cry in the bathroom
When I was an 18 year old housewife
That had to ask to go to a girlfriends
When my only company was your mom, bless her heart, but seriously I’m 18
When I’d get sad and I didn’t know why and you’d ignore me
When I’d get sad and I did know why
And you didn’t bother to figure it out
The turmoil I felt for such a long time
Immense love
Incredible pain
I loved you, I do love you, and I wish
I wish we could have worked.
I wish we weren’t so bad together
But we were
So I need to move on.
He’s nothing like you
It’s night and day
Feelings and stuff.
He’s got them. About as much as me
When he talks
He’s staring at his phone
He buys things
Like I do, so there’s no money once it’s gone
He likes all the music I do
No Emo gay or girly
But he does one thing
You didn’t quite do
When I do something wrong
He tells me sharply how it’s wrong
And how he feels
And I feel bad
So bad
And then he’s normal again.
So I get confused.
And he likes cleaning.
Also weird. We were up til 2 cleaning. Not just us the whole house.
He’s got a good heart, and he’s nice to me though.
He’s sweet and has big ideas and dreams. In another reality you two would be friends. The kind that **** heads. But still laugh in the end.
I miss you.
I wish you could be my friend.
We were such badass best friends.
Of being hurt of being watched of being followed.
Scary faces scary voices scary sounds.
Then I found you behind one of the walls. I found you
And you were different
And I was different too
We were older
We were tired
And you held my hand
Made me feel the longing
The stuff I tuck away
The feeling I normally swallow
The longing for being comfortable
Like an old pair of shoes
Fitting perfect no surprises
When I feel that way I get sad
Thinking of routines
Thinking of warmth
Dogs
Tv and laundry
So I have to remember
Why my routines are new
Why I live across town
When I get sad
It’s because I remember the good
If I think of the bad
When once it was all that I could
I remember the arguments
The words that cut to my soul
I remember the times you’d say things you’d held on to
And the shame I felt
The times when it was just for you
And how I’d cry in the bathroom
When I was an 18 year old housewife
That had to ask to go to a girlfriends
When my only company was your mom, bless her heart, but seriously I’m 18
When I’d get sad and I didn’t know why and you’d ignore me
When I’d get sad and I did know why
And you didn’t bother to figure it out
The turmoil I felt for such a long time
Immense love
Incredible pain
I loved you, I do love you, and I wish
I wish we could have worked.
I wish we weren’t so bad together
But we were
So I need to move on.
He’s nothing like you
It’s night and day
Feelings and stuff.
He’s got them. About as much as me
When he talks
He’s staring at his phone
He buys things
Like I do, so there’s no money once it’s gone
He likes all the music I do
No Emo gay or girly
But he does one thing
You didn’t quite do
When I do something wrong
He tells me sharply how it’s wrong
And how he feels
And I feel bad
So bad
And then he’s normal again.
So I get confused.
And he likes cleaning.
Also weird. We were up til 2 cleaning. Not just us the whole house.
He’s got a good heart, and he’s nice to me though.
He’s sweet and has big ideas and dreams. In another reality you two would be friends. The kind that **** heads. But still laugh in the end.
I miss you.
I wish you could be my friend.
We were such badass best friends.
