Sometimes when the world feels so heavy I can hardly breathe
I have to slow down and I'm forced to think.
My whole life has been a blur of faces as I wander through places
With time passing by so fact I forget to make each moment last.
I can't even see past the cards of talking points
And the angry letters I wrote myself.
My dreams are filled with vivid images of back when we were friends
Back in the time when I knew what I was going to do.
When my future consisted of fighting crime with you by my side
And now the days pass by untouched
I can't even move without a crutch
I've got pins in my ankles and screws in my head
And I'm pretty sure I'm better off dead.
But I've kept my promises and made my peace
I decided instead to be dominated by sleep.
My veins pump with lead and my lungs run empty
I don't know to whom I should be listening
And really there's no point in blame because I know it's my fault
I just always feel like I approach with such an assault.
And I'm sorry that I can't be more
But I'm doing my best and that's not good enough for you, I guess.
I didn't do enough to make you care about me
I don't know what else to do to keep my focus off of you.
I don't understand how you could just forget me like that.
What did I do to deserve to be treated like the **** on your shoe?
When are you going to realize
I stood by your side through all your darkest nights
How could you leave me in mine?
How dare you call yourself my best friend
When you are the one who is causing this to end
You are the one who refuses to see me for over 6 months
You are the one who I cry over losing every night.
Because I never pictured you out of my life.
I never thought of how I'd live without my best friend.
Because you knew my life and you were there with me side-by-side
Then all of a sudden, out of sight, out of mind?
I guess you never really cared about me at all.
All the times you couldn't see me, but you never wanted to, did you?
I'm looking back now with enlightened vision
Only to find all the times you didn't think about my feelings
Even though I couldn't get yours out of my head.
And how am I supposed to sleep
When I don't know how your brother's doing or if your parents are ok
What am I supposed to do to forget that you had problems too?
Problems that could come back in a simple flash.
I trained myself for four years to remember every detail
Everything I could drink in because I wanted to be a good friend.
But now I'm just supposed to pretend?
I have to forget all our past.
We've gone back to being strangers but therein lies the problem.
From the second we met we were drawn together
So I don't know how to think of talking to you then not going through.
I don't know how to not want to be around you
But I know that I don't because you're a poison.
Your face is etched into my head like a painting
With your name on a plaque beneath it
And I've been studying it for so long
I know every pore and every scar
I know every hair and inch of skin because you let me in.
And you can't let someone in if you're only going to shut them out.
Because the only way to go back to being strangers
Is to never have known you in the first place.
And I can't do that because every time I stop to think
There you are, and I'm on the brink of tears until my vision clears.
But it doesn't and I have to learn to live
Without slowing down
Because I can't think anymore.