I just want to be pretty.
I want to look in the mirror and not want to cry
to not hold back the urge to drive my cracked fist into it
and shatter it
in hopes it'll shatter me as well.

I want cheekbones
defined arms
sultry curves
sturdy, thin,
long legs.

I want to be skinny.
I want to be pretty.
I want to be noticed.
I want someone to tell me I'm pretty
to tell me they like what they see.

I just want to be pretty.
I want to have a chance.
Boys don't look at plain girls like me-
and neither do the girls-
nor do the teachers.
nor does anybody.

Plain, scraggly
flabby
slouching
gross thing
that I am,
resembling a monotone thing
that crawled out of Satan's ***.
I'd like, just once,
to look in a mirror
and have a genuine smile,
to think I look okay
to not have this mutt body
drive me further into my shell
ashamed to look at people
ashamed to have people look at this
ugly dawdy body.

I just want to be pretty.