The darkness covers my lungs and it feels like Im drowning I gasp for air in hopes to breath in light. I’m desperate. I scream silently and I’m waiting for something... anything The answers I seek are only met with my questions. And now I’ve lost all sense of direction and I don’t know if I’m sinking or floating. I know for certain I’m not swimming For I can’t will myself to move. I gasp needing to feel light help me gain back what the bitter sweet dark has taken away.
I use to beg for morning light to take away this blackness but oh no. It’s not that simple. Now the light only brings out the sewing kit I take the red thread and sew my smile on right in the place I know it belongs. I wish I had thicker string because this one breaks to easy. I pull my hair back and slip my clothes on and I walk the world as if I have nothing to hide. Nothing that haunts me in some late hours of the night. I pretend that I am as innocent as I look. Oh sweet Sun you are just my puppeteer until the night comes and plays a different tune for me to dance too. Why do I give so much control of my bandaged and duct tape pieces of myself.
For the love of what ever is making this world keep spinning. I’m tired of this helplessness. I hate gulping down shots of light like an addict needing my fix or a pick me up to get me through another day But sadly the light is not my addiction. The dark is that swallows me up with it forged promises and authentic pain that blankets me.
I am tired of fighting so tied of it. If some didn’t grasp my hand right before I let myself go. I would have drowned in the misery of this the water red and salty. I beg for them not to let go as they pull me up and nearly get pulled down with me.
Please cut my strings I beg I don’t want to be the puppet of the pain anymore Please. You can only cut the bonds you’ve made sweetie
I open my eyes as I slice though the first thick cords attached to me and for the first time in a long time I see the me I want to be and I see the light hidden there.