the feeling of an empty and churning stomach
- empty because you don't want to eat, don't deserve to -
- churning because you took too many pills and you are gagging and bent over the bathtub -
but that comes later
for now
you are leaning against the bathroom wall
cold on your cheek and it seems to stop the world from spinning
it's the only thing that stops the world from spinning
so you hold on

the light is on in the distance
writhing under your unsteady gaze and existing in another place
everything is a blur of porcelain and blue skies
rolling and twisting and
the sound of a knock on the door
that upsets your existence to the very core
you ignore it
and dread another

songs on the radio that you can't stand
that make you switch stations and then cringe
when you realize that it's on every channel

you start the car but you don't drive anywhere
just sit in the darkness, listening to the low rumble of the engine and
shrink under the sick drowsiness that permeates your every memory

you can't move
but you're okay with that