i wanted to be **** and worthless
i wanted a hand firmly wrapped around my neck
to sleep at night
i wanted someone to gouge out these diseased desires
and show me some kind of harmony
and i would feed them and **** them
and they would strip away all the toxic
i would no longer spew stomach acid but words
i would be content with still the capacity for desire
it would be real ******* magic

but i'm learning to want to fight
on my own terms