I know I've hurt you
But I am not emotionless in this mess
I am filled with guilt
And the sting of your rejection
This can't really be it
....can it?
I haven't shed more than a single tear
In a few weeks now
And anytime something happens
I wait for my inevitable break down
But it is still yet to come
Taunting me
I'm lonely
And upset
And heartsick
But my body won't let me release those feelings
Meticulously torturing me
So I turn to drugs
To alcohol
Experiences
Companionship
To ensure that I feel nothing
And although my head is filled with fog
I can feel his hand behind my back
My fingers behind his head
And I can see your image behind my eyes
Taste your name behind my teeth  
But it is poison to my tongue now
And I must swallow it away
Before it escapes my lips
And betrays my composure
Disguising self-preservation