I don't go out much
More than I used to, but still not much
Because I hate coming home
To unlocked doors
And both sides of her bed turned down
The angel that lives upstairs
Hides dark secrets in and under her bed
It's nothing that should concern me
Yet it is everything
It took me years to forgive her
For conceiving me with a man
Who wasn't her husband
Even though I now understand
And have forgiven her
But she has no excuse for kissing married men
Who come to fix our TV
Or sleeping with her accountant
When she is oh so in love with her perfect boyfriend
I can't help but be upset by it
I know I've committed my fair share of sins
But I'm still learning
And I think what angers me most
Is that she is the woman I've looked up to
My whole life
Despite her poisoning my memories of my father who's not my dad
Despite pitying her childhood and taking it out on me
Despite her nonexistent self-confidence that leaves her bedroom door open
And in all honesty,
I didn't have anyone else
I know she is a strong, compassionate woman
But deep down I wonder
If all my insecurities
All my inabilities to happily be in love
All the things ****** up in my head
Stemmed from the only role model
I've ever had