1

if you meet
a snake with fangs
as large as sore thumbs
don’t put your hand out and say:
'How do you do?'
Otherwise
it’d might take a bite
and it’d say:
'How do you do?'


if you meet
an alien
in the streets
don’t say:
'Hey, what you’re
doing in my territory?'
he’d might just zap
you with his laser gun and say:
'Oh, I just dropped in to say:
Earthling, buzz off!'


if you meet God in the streets
just don’t say:
'Who do you think you are?'
for the most certain answer
from that loony would be:
'I’m God…'


if you meet the Devil in the streets –
well, you just shouldn’t be
meeting anyone like that;
just run!



2

if you meet a ghost
in the shadows
of your garden
(or anywhere
for that matter)
don’t say:
'How does it feel there?'
because it may just jump in
and say:
'Hey, it feels good to be in you.'


if you find
your pillow
on the floor
when you wake
in the middle of the night
just don’t say:
'What you doing on the floor?'
just grab it
tuck it under your head and say:
'Just stay there!'



if you find Old Jenny grandma’s dentures
in a glass beside your bed
when you wake up in the middle of the night
don’t say:
'Old Grandma – what are your dentures doing here?'
It’s yours, remember? – you are Old Jenny Grandma!


if you meet a bird in the streets
resting on a lamp post
whatever you do
just don’t stand below the light
for you never know what might land on you


if you meet me
in the streets
just don’t stretch out your hand
and don’t say:
'How do you do?'
because I’ll have to you give you the boot –
Cos, hey, I’m Bigfoot!