my downfall will always lay
on me putting too much emphasis on having certain
people in my life. it is terrifying,
because as soon as you let someone be the place
your mind wanders to when it’s bored or sad or lost,
you are in vulnerable territory.
and if it’s not
reciprocated, you’re *******.
i’ll never forget the first time i cut myself on the edge
of his indifference, my friend kept asking me
“why does he matter so much to you?”
and even though that was years ago,
i still can’t come up with an answer.
that’s the problem with caring too much,
you end up feeling like a deformed piece of pottery
touched and moulded by someone who never intended
on taking up a new hobby.
i confess, i’m not as i seem,
i can manipulate the perception other people have of me
so as to avoid the possibility of ever getting hurt.
when did i associate being myself with being hurt?
i do not know.
all i know is that with you i don’t pretend,
and i am more than aware
that that could be potentially
annihilating.