nobody warned me that people came without seatbelts.
nobody warned me about the aftermath, where a sharp
turn can land you straight on your back, and i've been
on my back too many times to count on two hands.
2. create an escape to a world where you are the conductor
of the train, you hold the reins to the horse, you have the
controls to the carousels so you control your heart.
3. everyday is holding a bouquet of roses and jumping
out in front of traffic going seventy because i killed myself
alive. who knew that one person can make you pick apart
yourself until you really don't know who you are anymore?
4. the way you shifted from heartfelt promises to throwing
every single obscenity at me reminds me of how i shifted
from lukewarm coffee to burn my throat hot coffee.
5. you're thick on the air and i can hardly breathe.
6. i claw at my skin, insecure about how i've become,
knowing i've changed because of the anxiety you give me.
7. cows are branded to show ownership, and i feel like
you poked me with a white-hot branding iron without
remorse. i manage to push through each day.
8. the confidence i used to have in myself deteriorated over
the years. it feels like i'm standing in a choir singing the loudest
and my voice is slowly fading into all the other voices and losing
harmony until even i cannot understand what i'm singing.
9. i'm still so embarrassed that i held on to something that
has no intentions of staying for so long. i'm sorry i held on
so tightly where i was constricting you, you needed air.
10. i cannot go another day without you, yet i want to go
every day without hearing your name or seeing your face.

- kra