It's funny I never thought of myself as a closed door But when you walked after me, I wanted to build a wall between us I wanted to run as fast as I could away from you, and all your possibilities I realized I've been so afraid of the bad, I've refused to let in the good Better to be have never loved than to have loved and been rejected, right? I would always say no, but I don't always model my own principles Clearly And I think I've been so worried that you would consume me, that I'd rather you never even know me So much easier to stay home on a Friday night, dreaming of what might have been Than finding out for myself in a dimly lit garage So much easier But so much more lonely And you know, I'm really trying to be braver I'm going to be myself Or I'm going to try I can only do so much at once, you know? I think it's enough that I even met someone like you Even if nothing more happens... I did something I've never done before Something I've only daydreamed about... And it didn't completely blow up in my face (yet) But maybe if it does, I won't give up this time Because there's a lot of room for improvement here, and a lot of room for hope And I finally did something outside my comfort zone Traveled to a world outside of teacups and sadness and best friends and blankets and layers of grey and envy and warm fireplaces and sisters and insecurities piled high with the books around my bed I've gone somewhere else now And it hasn't all been horrible Sure, there have been disappointments, as I knew there would be But there have also been great surprises You even noticing me was a great surprise I surprised myself I just don't want to lose myself I don't want to get hurt I'm so terrified of getting hurt That's what freezes my fingers when I try to say hello But I'm trying to thaw myself out I'll get there one day I swear to god I will