Death is easy, peaceful. Life is harder.

I sat on the top of the highest building in town. My eyes were stained red from crying. I wondered what death would feel like, I imagined it like the ocean, the tide pulling you deeper and deeper into a dream. The wind was howling, blowing my hair in all different directions, it sounded angry, as though it was cursing the world. As I leaned my head further back I saw a thousand stars, it felt like being at the top of a mountain, I could reach my hand above my head and run my fingers through the clouds.

Death will always compare to the ocean. And I can’t help but compare everything to the ocean. I am darkness, I will always be guided by the evil impulses that envelop through my body and lead me to swallow the demons of my past. I compare you to water, you are pure and as fresh as the crisp morning sky of spring. You are everything I am not, your light attacks me trying to burn through the monsters resting in my heart.

You tried to mould me. When I look into your eyes my mind is overwhelmed by the ray of colour you can pass through my veins. The way in which you heart rhymes with the vibrations of the ocean, you connect me to the universe and when I am with you I am grounded. You allow me to forget about the way in which people would look at me and see their nightmares in my eyes.

A rain drop splattered down my cheek. Anger turning to sadness. I became conscious and realised I was thinking of you, again. I want to tell you that the daisies you bought me the day we ran through the park at sunrise are dying. I want to tell you that I need to move with the wind and dance with fire. I want to tell you that I am running away again. It was never you. I was always them. I tried to stay but now I am dizzy.
It’s me.

If only I could understand the reason for my crying. If only I could stop this fear of dreaming that I am dying.
I close my eyes and jump.
I fly now.