they warn you not to cling to that which you do not wish
to lose
but what if everything is like water in a desert,
or maybe a frozen pole i can’t help but lick,
it’s all so smiling,
unharmed and unaffected,
while i chase my tail
all swollen and restless.
why must the sun set every night?
is it laughing as it leaves?
i have been trying to decipher what the moon
has been trying to tell me all my life.
for a while i was sure she was whispering,
“you are meant to be loved.”
but then one night i heard her shout:
“you are meant to love, regardless of if you are loved in return.”
sometimes she starts sobbing so loudly i wonder how the stars
can put up with her, let alone begin to offer her comfort.
what does the sun think about all of this?
then sometimes i stare at a tree and make friends
with a few birds and ask them the same question.
all they ever have to say is found within the gaps
of silence, betwixt their chirps
and if my mind is quiet enough,
i can hear the beating of my heart, resonating
in those spaces.
when did i stop needing my mother so much?
why do i love so hard so much
so painful i might implode?
i still long for ex lovers,
i still cherish old friends.
but nostalgia has no place in this.
this is something entirely set and insisting on being
right here. right now.
perhaps it is time for another visit with the moon.
i will call out for her tonight, even if my heart skips a beat
at the sound of her sobs.