I have forgotten how to trust.
I have forgotten how to feel.
Most importantly,
I have forgotten how to love.
Maybe it is all the years of pain
I have endured; or maybe
it is the meds that mask
the clarity that I once had?

Right now, I am only living on the outside,
walking around in a lifeless shell
of my once vibrant existence.  
With all of the ups and downs,
each day with really no end in sight?

Times like this challenge even
my own strength.  
Do I want to continue feeling like
this each and every day?
I thought I had the answers before.
Now, I am definitely not so sure.  

Behind my own smile lies great pain.
I have learned to cover up most of it;
however, my eyes tell all, as they
are the window to my soul.  
My heart is kind, loving, and generous.
Yet, I feel that it should be much harder,
so as to not allow some things that
I have acquiesced over my life.  

I am not sure what it is going
to take anymore to help find
my way back to the correct path.  
I just know that this beaten one
is all I have known for so long now.
I am truly so lost,
with no clear direction in sight….

Vicki A. Zinn

March 8, 2014