she's slowly starting to forget things
but she preps her mind in stride
she constantly worries about this
i can tell when she tries to hide

and i know that it's absolutely frightening for her.
to lose her mind. to lose herself. to let worry win her over.
she focuses more out of fear and concentrates fiercely.
she practices her sounds and her faces. she memorizes scriptures and places.

"remember when we did this" - "it feels so long ago that we did that"
and i don't have the heart to tell her that i wasn't there.  
and my soul hurts for this dear woman of mine...who is slowly losing her mind.
as she tries to grasp the sanity that was never meant to stay long.

my mama is getting older. so i'll continue to use that excuse and comment lightly
that it is only stress that's getting to her. that she needs a holiday.
she'll take those reasons for now...but i know she still hides.