So tonight
I'm letting go.

The last time I got upset at a relapse,
She told me that I was going to be okay.
That the people who love me would never
Change that because I got bad again.

I want to say I'm sorry, though.
My girl asked me to stop.
I told them all of the past 9 months.
They yelled and said they would
Check my body everyday for
Any more signs of self hatred.
But I can't think straight and
It's been a week and all they've done
Is pop a pill into my mouth and
Yelled when I couldn't calm myself
Down as quickly I used to.
So maybe it'd be okay to break
If only for tonight.

I still remember her voice that night
When I could have had her at my lips
But told her no and listened to her
Utter in a broken way,
"Just one more."
I can feel that voice showing into
My everyday conversations and
I can't shake this feeling that
I'm not complete without it.

So, as a warning,
I'm breaking tonight.

I want my poetry to start
Making sense again.