you were like a drug,
when you were around me i was filled to the brim with ecstasy
and when you weren't all i could think about was how to get another hit, another fix, another glance into your soul
forever desperate to hear the sound of your voice, or to catch a glimpse of your alabaster skin
i was like a ******, filled with longing for the way you said my name, your lips curving around each and every syllable, the intimacy of my name on someone's else's lips
you kept our hands firmly intertwined, and while i know that this was just your way of being friendly i couldn't help but to tuck this information away as evidence of your love,
the way your eyes flitted down to my unbuttoned shirt, proof of your want

as our legs wrapped around each other like ivy tangling on the side of a fence, you remained perfectly composed, unaffected
while i slowly fell apart, a fool in my longing,
you leaned forward to whisper simple truths in my ear, as we traded admissions that barely counted as secrets, stories and guilty pleasures were our currency and our conversations a marketplace
we were rich in our words, overflowing piles of confessions and declarations
drunk with the moment, and the sound of saxophones somewhere in the distance

i woke in the morning, ashamed and afraid, to face your excellence in the light of day, but it seemed you were willing to turn the tables
as i sat in front of you on those autumn red chairs, and i heard the uncertainty in your voice as you whispered to the girl beside you that you remembered nothing of the night before
instead of feeling that familiar wave of relief, what i felt was all the air leaving my lungs, as if someone had just kicked me in the stomach,

the feeling of having my soul ripped out, only to be released into the wild, like an animal no one wanted to tame