I stare at my plate
Then I look at the clock
Counting down the seconds
Until it settles.
Up I jump
Eager as ever
Running to the little room
With the toilet inside.
Shaking hands find
The little button
At the back
Of my throat.
Into the porcelain ***
Goes my dinner
My hopes
And my health.
Down the drain
Is my meatloaf
My joy
And my life.
Sticky saliva forms a
Web on my fingers
Resembling the web of lies
I have made to cover this up.
Wipe away the tears
The snot
The bile
And do it again.
Over and over and over
Until the last piece is out
And I’m left numb
On the tiled floor.
Hair matted
Eyes bloodshot
Nose running
Throat burning.
Stumbling through the halls
Trying to make sense of it all
I just wanted to look perfect
Was that too much to ask?
There's no turning back...