I thought of all the ways
I was going to tell you
I never wanted to see you again,
but I never got the chance.
You packed your bags and skipped town
long before I got to give you any speech,
entailing that it wasn’t you, it was me.

But it was you.
It was the way you constricted me like a boa,
and held me on a pedestal.
There were a million a two reasons why you drove me insane,
and a few more reasons
why you made everything in my life worse.

But if
I was the one that wanted to leave you,
then why did it injure me so bad
when you abandoned me first?

Come back and lull me to sleep
with all the excuses why you had to leave me,
and I’ll dream of the will
to let you back in.

I tell myself I am strong,
that I won’t go back,
but I know that if you turned around
I would drop everything to be with you again.
I tell myself I would never let you back in,
but you never really left.

You live in my words and my veins,
and no amount of writing
or blood spilt
could get rid of you.