The day time stood still was a Tuesday morning. The sun was shining, light reflecting off the freshly fallen snow that crunched under my feet. I came to the courtyard, the wide open space that was so regularly filled with other people filled with their own problems. But on this sunny, cold Tuesday morning, the courtyard was empty. There was silence. Not the silence that you face late at night that threatens to suffocate you and makes your thoughts churn with worries and fears. The kind of soft, calm, quiet that makes you stop and look around at the beauty around you with wonder. The snow glistened with a radiance that even diamonds would be paled in comparison. The sun shone in a sky that was bluer than blue, a blue richer than all the monetary wealth in the world. As I stood taking in all of this beauty, memories of the previous night appeared in my mind’s eye. All the tears I shed, the hopelessness, the bottle of pills I came so close to swallowing. The way I had been struggling through this illness for the last six years. How often I had come close to ending it all. And as I thought about these things, one thought appeared in my mind above all the others. I’m still alive. It wasn’t a happy thought, but it wasn't an unhappy one either. It was a fact. The pure and simple truth of it. I’m still alive. I’m still here. I’m still fighting. I felt a sort of reassurance in that, the fact that my heart was still beating. My lungs still breathing in the oxygen around me. The warm cup clutched in my hand, the taste of coffee in my mouth. Cold air on my face and I can feel it. I can feel all of these things. And I would miss feeling these things if I was gone. Not just this, but so much more. Laying on a bed of grass in the protective shadow of a maple tree under the warm summer sun, the smell of apple blossoms and the grass filling me up with a sense of nostalgia for nothing. My friend’s hand in mine, our laughter filling the air drawing looks from others as we so often do—acting like fools because we can. Because we’re young and sad and we use everything we can to stave off the darkness. Holding hands to reassure the other we’re still there. We’re both still here. A voice on the other end of the telephone, her words sincere. I love you, don’t say you hate yourself. I love you. The vibrant colors of leaves in the fall and the smell of wood fire smoke in the crisp, fresh air. Apple cider and hot chocolate. Standing at the edge of the Northumberland Strait, the salty air blowing through my hair, looking to see if I can spot the land in the distance and seeing nothing but wide open sea, feeling so small but so amazed at the same time, waves washing over my feet. Looking out across the open water and knowing there is so much more out there, waiting. Waiting for me to experience it. Watching the sun disappear below the horizon so very far away from the edge of the water where I’m standing. Sitting in a field at 2AM just to see the stars shine at their brightest. The sound of my father’s voice and humming as he strums away on his guitar, his thirst for knowledge stronger than anyone else’s. Sitting down and playing Zelda all day just because I can. Reading an entire book or maybe two in one day just because I can. The sense of completeness when I’m surrounded by the people I love most. The sound of a piano, the feel of the ivory keys under my fingers. The feeling that spreads warm in my belly when I’m driving with friends with the windows down and music up. His lips on mine, warm and gentle. His voice, kind and insistent, "Don’t underestimate yourself, beautiful girl." His breath on my neck and the sound of his laugh. I can still feel all of these things because I’m still here. I’m still alive. And the amazing thing is so are you. If you’re reading this, you’re still here. You’ve kept going. You’ve kept going for so long so why give up now? You’re alive, your heart is beating and you can feel it because you’re still here. So keep going. Wait for the quiet moments that make you stop and stay still for a moment. Watch a sunset. Watch a sunset and as it slips below the horizon close your eyes and just breathe. And when you open your eyes again it’ll be night and then all you have to do is wait for the stars to come out because even the darkest nights are penetrated by trillions of tiny lights. And so what if it’s cloudy and you can’t see the light? The sun, the stars, the moon, they still shine behind the clouds. You just have to wait for the clouds to pass.