I found a book of wisdom
And read it through and through
To learn about a way of life
Taught by a great Guru.

He said the way to inner peace
Was there for everyone—
Just make a list and finish
All those things you’ve left undone.

I searched my own house thoroughly
And made myself a list.
I finished off these undone things
As I fulfilled my quest:

A bottle of Jack Daniel’s,
Three of my favorite rums,
Some sherry and some cooking wine,
A box or two of tums,

A box of chocolate cherries—brandied to give a kick
I’m now a mellow fellow
But I’m also terribly sick!