and that's all there is to it,
there was no big epiphany moment
when I made love for the first time.

it was something that seemed like forever,
each movement and caress happening
ever so slowly.
But once he left,
it felt all too sudden.

There I was,
a few days before Christmas,
having *** for the first time.
At first the adrenaline rush hit me like,
"Oh my god, I am actually losing my virginity!"

But after a few thrusts and a couple of moans, it hit me.
I realized that I am going to die one day,
and one day,
I won't be able to make love like I was at that moment.
I can make love whenever I want and to whoever I want on an impulse decision,
or I can play it safe.

In a world filled with constant predetermined change,
the need, the desire, to be filled with love,
or some might call it lust,
stays the same.

It is so simplistic that I would **** to have such a simplicity in my life because once something starts to get good, it cracks in the palm of my hands.

I need to feel something,
love and lust and sadness and exhaustion,
and complete and utter confusion.
I felt alive,
for the first time in my life.

And on that night, when I made love for the first time, I accepted the fact that life changes. One day I am going to die, and I need to live every impulsive moment like it is my last, because in a split second, it will be gone.

How naive.

*-andrea