All I want to do is walk up to her
and kiss her; tell her I miss her.
But I can’t. Because deep inside my brain
there’s this little voice telling me
that she wouldn’t want to me to.
That she doesn’t miss me or want me back;
despite all of the signs my entire being
keeps telling me she’s giving.
And when I do manage to gather the courage to talk to her,
every single word digs its claws
into the inside of my throat, refusing to come out.
She went from being the love of my life,
to just another beautiful girl I’m scared to talk to.
Every single one of our conversations ends up
consisting of her trying to understand what I’m trying to say,
and me staring at the sky and whispering
things that are supposed to mean
“I love you. And I’m sorry”

Whenever she walks past me, I pretend I’m texting,
writing, or even looking for something stuck under my shoe
so I don’t look at her, because I have the feeling
that she does the same.
It feels like she does whatever it takes to distract herself from me,
because in her eyes, I will always be the person who betrayed her.
The person who caused those sleepless nights.
The person who hurt her.