These are the words that I scream into my pillow
The ones that sink in the back of my throat
They boil and melt and escape my body in tears

This is the frustration
The gripping, grasping, clinging thing
This is why I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth when I run or climb or crunch and sweat

This is what keeps me up and when sleep does find me
This is what wakes me in the middle of the night

The things I should do but don’t
The things I should say but can’t
The things that I ought to understand but fear I never will

They are constantly gaining on me and sometimes
They catch me