It seemed like any other night,
light run in pink shorts and sports bra
sweat dripping from the natural sauna
called Texas heat.
Feeling a connection to the earth,
to God.
Pure bliss at the beauty of the deer
gracefully crossing the street,
The birds singing and kids laughter.

In a matter of minutes dark clouds shifted
over me, over my mind, my heart.
Shifted the reality of running to
A darkness of emotions and fear.
A whirl wind spinning in circles
strong winds, Strong thoughts
rain whipping sideways piercing fire
emotions pouring, tears pouring, Niagara Falls.

The challenges of being the boss of running a clinic
Taking risks in life and in love
Having a broken heart, not knowing how to mend it
Fear of insecurities and doubts on abilities
Can I handle this vision, this clear vision God has
Put on my heart.

Emotions overcome.
Doubt sets in.
Fear becomes reality.
Am I enough?

Did I get the right vision?

God are you sure it’s me your
Sending this to?

Why the doubts on something so perfect,
Something that fell into my life so easily,
All the right people have appeared,
The perfect team to complete and tackle
another clinic, more patient’s, more responsibility.

But I long for something else, something deeper,
Still and yet with success and passion,
A missing piece to my life, no words can explain,
Only a longing for something unknown.


A person?
A thing?
A connection?
A friend?
An accomplishment?

At this point the storm rages on as I sit alone tonight.
As I sit and write, my main outlet in the world.