I just want to go home.
The home of my childhood.
Where I was loved
Where I dreamed
Where my future was an open book
Where a friendly voice was a phone call away
When I used to read fairy tales
And still believed they could come true
When my heart was too innocent
To see the ugliness other saw
When they looked at me

Those lazy days when the world seemed warm
And the sun was close enough to touch
And lollipops tasted like freedom
When I was my mother’s daughter
And still daddy’s little girl
And my brother’s favorite little sister
When people still lived
Who were happy that I was alive
Days before the cold hand of death
Rested upon my shoulder
And whispered softly in my ear
"Come home, child come home.
I have claimed all those who love you.
Accept my embrace
And you will embrace them once more.”

Days before my seventh year
Standing before the knife drawer
Blade in my hand
Aimed at my heart
Praying
"Please, God, give the the strength
Just to push it in
Just through the skin
Then deeper and deeper
Through me and through me
Never stopping until the pain ebbs away.”

Or maybe
Let me stand beside that broken girl
Kiss her fat tear stained cheeks
Whisper softly in her ear
"Do not be afraid, I’ll be strong enough for both of us."
And grip her trembling hand
Press the blade through her and through her
And hold her close as we both
Correct my parents’ greatest mistake
And most profound failure

I want to go home.
I want to go home.