"The pain is here, it’s real, it’s new.

I thought I knew who I was talking to.

Darkness resides heavy in my heart.
Just waiting for sincere healing to start.

The fire was real and I fueled the flame.

So guilty I’ve been carrying this pain.

Being a prisoner trapped in my own mind.
This high’s all I wish to feel this time.

So sad, so strong, so weak and true.
Slow songs induce strange thoughts of you.

Not common or right for binding me to insanity.

Oh how my veins pulse with this conflicting tragedy.

Hard times of each life are unfortunately common.
Why the **** do I feel so unnatural and bothered?

True, I had invited that feeling so fake that it’s real,

but only Satan’s heart could feel.

The crack of light in the darkest of indiscretion.
Hope sin won’t taint skin and take over my soul’s possession.

Memory is faulty and haunts my mind.

I want no one to be a victim of my kind.

What happened that night follows me around.

I will no longer stand back or bow down.

For these people who lie and cheat and steal.
Innocence taken only for fast thrill.

Hope of forgiveness grips my mind.

Just wanted to feel more than fake sincere of some kind.


The roots they can’t unwind this time.

Still…I sit, I wonder, I wait.

If one day I will escape this twisted discovery of fate.

So gripping, so chilling, so ghostly I subconsciously feel.
What makes this purpose of life so real?

And yet, I thrive in the hurt of deceptive captivism.

Still it leaves me tangled in bitter cynicism.

To decipher what feelings are true and sincere,

For tragic time has dragged me down, my dear.

For each soul not to to see what I see in a day.

So blissful and unaware in their mind’s they will stay.

The heart it beats without time in mind.

Wish others could see things on my side.

This kind of thinking isn’t simple or plain. 

Everyone else seems stuck in this game.


Of greed and lust and experience to blame.
Spiders only weave webs of shame. 

This dangerous adventure has many to claim.


Hypocrites have only themselves to blame.

As I realize this life I’ve continuously made,

Memories of sadness get locked away.
Healing begins and time takes charge,

Of keeping the soul you recognize at large.

And one only knows how far that goes.
To each other’s own personal experience we toast.

To the keeping of safe things around to stay.

Hoping for those demons to just stay away.


But simplicity of shame has no beginning or end,

To staying indefinitely happy forever my friend.

This idea has sparks that your conscious mind ignites.
To crave staying out of the darkest of times.

Your mind will spin and won’t win at first.

Playing tricks through your darkest treats that leave burns.

Scratch and itch until these marks bleed.

This method of recovery doesn’t work it seems.

Leaving scars seen only through subjective time.

That taunt until your hinges unwind.

Consistency in mentality is major, it’s crucial for change.
Taken aback by simply just hearing his name.

My identity tainted, shocked and shaken.
What has this occurrence ended up taking?

Not the love I wanted.

So unrealistic, yet I can feel, 

That after carful recovery my insecurities will yield.


That light in the end can draw back my shield.
That this shadow uplifts and leaves me for real.

Medication of mind is found only through time,

Through genuine acts of someone truly kind.

Souls slowly die when they question hopeful living.

My sincerest apologies for the lies I’ve been giving.

It’s a cover, a mask, and the truth of pain.

I refuse to stay stuck in this cycle of shame.

Stay strong.
They say that’s all you can do.


And true as this is, I’m still stuck thinking of you.

That night is over and so is this blame.
Sometime I believe I will be able to tame,

These thoughts that flow so easy to spark,

cannot **** my faith in humanity to start.


I refuse to give up on this battered heart.

I will not become what I fear in my most secret confidential.
One who only sees light in the shadows and ignores what is stressful,.

Through highs and excuses I will no let them take,

That piece of my heart I’v trying to wake.

Though struggles seem unavoidable and consistently collected. 

I truly do not want this free spirit caged and affected.


This stand of my emotional recovery is not of physical kind.
This healing begins with the true detox of my mind.

As I end on the note of freeing of my soul.

I hope this helps others who want to console. 


The heart they knew and wanted to keep.

There is undiscovered hope for you and as well as me.

So take these words as a binding contract.
That cleaning of wounds only reach pains surface.


That believing in reaching that once discovered place,

though damaged and battered is still accessible to face.

Easy satisfaction and crossroads emerge.
I was easily one to allow the temptation to purge. 


In sins that are quick and easy to explain.
This will not help but add to each pain.

Listening to others tell of their relatable mistakes.

Only add to our internal blames.


And conclude the point of truth and pain.

Advice refuses credibility once harsh realization is triggered,

The angel on your shoulder only begins to shiver.


Will power and self esteem being to wither,

and trust can’t help but to surrender and quiver.

Every profoundly denied claim being kept locked away,

Comes clean and draws free to cause damning dismay.

Worst part is knowing this ideas been exposed and hindered

Also tainted by reality my soul will forever carry this pain with her.


Admitting the second it surfaced it was what I had subconsciously figured.

This must be forgotten and thrown away.
The business of the mind must retain a stance to not play.


With ideas that settling on perceptions of others is craved,

And the idea a veiled mindset is what should be portrayed.

The strongest hearts beat to sounds of their own drum,

Flying freely above others actions that stung.


Still keeping in mind humanity in other kinds, 

And believing they can soften others relatable pain that binds.

And this I have to know is true.

Because it takes just one soul to have faith in you.


It’s the strongest of souls bitter sweetly kept insane.

And believe, after time, life can be beautiful once again."