My revelations occur to me in the morning now, while the darkness haunts the night, in which I wish I had someone to hold me, to wash away the fright.

But, I digress.

I told you I'm not sorry. I meant it and I never mean to take it back. But as it swirls on the tips of my tongue, I know its not fully true, that I'm not sorry doesn't apply to all the dark enchantments of my heart, to all the parts that have accosted you.

So I'll start here.

I'm sorry that I hurt you. That this action I have done has broken you so wholeheartedly you feel nothing will ever get better and nobody cares. Because people care. I still care. I just couldn't handle being your friend when everything we were turned into a competition instead of the loved as if in love emotions we had in the summer. I only would have hurt you worse, I only would have learned to hate you, if we stayed close, and I couldn't bear the thought of that.

I'm sorry that you feel you have lost to me, but it only proves my point we turned into competitors in the game of life instead of friends. Friends don't vie for the same affections, they love equally and share. We didn't share, not anymore, not in any facet.

I'm sorry you feel I took him from you, if you do feel that way. It was not my intention for anything to happen between us but... it did. I never thought anything would happen. But he smiled at me one night and it seemed he finally noticed me and I... If he didn't make me so happy, if you hadn't made me feel like I had lost a boy to you before, I would have stepped away. But he does make me happy, and you had done that to me before, without even stopping to ponder upon how I might feel and how it might break me.

I'm sorry about her. She loves you more than life, you know? But you're not helping yourself, and its killing her. She wants to be there for you but she doesn't know how to when all you do is scream and cry and not try to get better. Times like these I want to wrap you up in my arms and shield you from the world, but I can't just be around when you're sad and ignore the happy times. That might be even more ****** than only being around in the happy times. I wish I could do something, anything, to help you, but I can't, not after what I did. Its not fair to you. I can't give you glimmers of hope of a friendship when I know there never will be one again.

I'm sorry I can't be your friend anymore. Especially now, that you're hurting and angry and simply need something tangible, when it seems all you want is things to be back again. But they can't be. Not after what I said, what you said, it can't. I just wish i could honor the last threads of our friendship and help you feel better.

I'm sorry for almost everything. I hate hurting people, especially people I still care about. But you've got to see in the end, I had no choice. It was let you go or hate you. I hated either decision, but I couldn't stand to hate you. I'll always love you.

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you, anywhere I would have followed you, say something, I'm giving up on you... And I'm feeling so small, it was over my head, I know nothing at all, and I will stumble and fall, I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl... and I will swallow my pride, you're the one that I love, and I'm saying goodbye, say something

I'm so sorry for all I have done to you. But at the same time, I don't know what to do to help you.

I'll try. That's all I can do.

I'll try to help, just for you.

But I'm still don't regret my decision. I'm sorry, so sorry, but not about that.