BROUGHT A BLADE TO THE CABIN BECAUSE WHO AM I WITHOUT IT?
SHARP METAL EDGE WHO IS NOW A PART OF ME JINGLING AROUND IN MY SUITCASE.
EVERYONE IS SLEEPING NOW SO IT'S OUR TIME TO BE TOGETHER.
TREMBLING HANDS NO MORE; NOW AS I AM SO FAMILIAR WITH THIS I DONT WORRY.
GRACEFUL FINGERS REACH INTO THE TOP LEFT POCKET OF MY BAG.
I GRAB IT FROM RIGHT WHERE I LEFT IT AND SMIRK IN THE DARKNESS LOOKING DOWN AT MY LOVELY FRIEND.
I WOULDNT WANT TO WAKE ANYONE SO I'LL SLIP OUTSIDE AND SPRAWL DOWN BY THE WATER.
THE END OF THE DOCK NOW ACTS AS MY HOME WHILE I SLICE THROUGH MY ROUGH SKIN AND LET THE RED DROPLETS POLLUTE THE QUIVERING LAKE.
NOT EVEN CRYING, READY TO BE DONE WITH MY BITTER LIFE I HURL MY NUMB SOUL ONTO THE BOAT IN SEARCH OF THE ANCHOR AND ITS ROPE.
BUT IT'S HARD WHEN YOUVE LOST SO MUCH BLOOD AND LOST YOUR WILL TO MOVE.
BLACKNESS FADES IN AND OUT THREATENING TO FOIL MY SELF-LOATHING PLANS.
FALLING HELPLESSLY INTO THE SEA WHILL DO THE TRICK.
THE ***** WATER GREW UP WITH ME AND IM HAPPY TO USE IT FOR MY END.
BUT HOW TO DO IT WITH OUT MAKING A SPLASH OR WAKING MY DEAR FRIENDS?
I CANT WRITE A NOTE BUT MY MIND IS SCREAMING THAT I NEED TO MAKE MY MARK THEREFORE I CARVE MY NAME IN ROUGH LETTERS ON THE EDGE OF THAT DOCK.
BUT BEFORE I CAN CONCLUDE MY MISERY IM INTERUPED BY MY WORRISOME FAMILY AND THEY DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS ACTUALLY GOING ON, WHAT IM PLANNING, WHAT IVE DECIDED, AND HOW I FEEL.
SO I SMILE TO MYSELF AND LAUGH AT THEIR INNOCENCE.
THAT SUMMER NIGHT I WENT BACK INSIDE AND FELL BACK INTO SLUMBER WISHING I DIDNT AND HOPING NOT TO WAKE UP.
(A.G.)