Two days in
And Kansas approaches with arms outstretched.
It began with me in trust of reaching Colorado
Unharmed and unabated.
But my windshield was
Covered in dirt, grime, and debris left over from
The truckdrivers of this entire country.
Behind me I left
The frozen fields of Illinois, the Old Civil War battlefields that still smoke and steam
And divide us
And I left my cousin somewhere with his moaning girl in a dark apartment
Most importantly,
I left behind unfulfilled wants for selfish, future me.
On the road ahead was
Kansas,
And that was all that I could possibly know.
Beyond in the clutches of California
was a romantic relationship, doomed to perish
And disappear too quickly from this world, just like the kind eyes of my father.
But first,
There was Kansas.
The plains screaming to me that
If I was to get home without incident,
I first had to scrape through this entire state
And earn that icy rest stop in eastern Colorado.
Where I might lay my head and dream beautiful dreams
About the furious sadness that lay ahead of me.
Every radio station was a blazing relief from
The fascinating void of this state that only goes East to West.
I thought often, “Where the **** am I?”
Half-way through, I suffer from
The tragic beauty of no gas stations
No restaurants
No hotels
No people
Nothing
For over three hours.
And when you realize that your oasis in the desert
Is McDonalds and a place to fill your car up with regular, well
That is all you need to realize.
That is all you need to realize that insanity is not too far off.
And at first you will be giddy.
I was at least.
Countless radio talk shows about the truth of God and the comeuppance of man.
Maybe they’re right.
Moses wandered for 40 years and I can’t handle 4 days in my car.
NPR repeats stories of how Gays should legally be able to marry and **** when they want to.
But no music, where did it all go, man? Where is the great Blues Music of
Kansas?
Kansas.
I start singing to myself, making up noises, nonsensical rhymes.
On-the-spot poetry that, when recorded, sounds like the words of a boy trapped in his car
Somewhere in America.
And there it is.
Welcome to Colorado.
Wait…the moon is full and I just drove through all of Kansas in the majesty of the night?
I want it all back.
This whole state, this whole region, this entire country.
But all I have is that cold rest stop in the plains of eastern Colorado
Just west of Kansas.
All of the danger ahead of me seems colder still.
“I made it, Kansas! What do you think?”
She answers, “I don’t think much, all you did was use me to get where you needed to go.”
That night
Was the loneliest night
I ever had.