Feb 2014
Why is it every time I get ahead I just fall back down?
One step forward twelve steps back,
Why everytime I feel a glimpse of contentment,
I end up crushed?
A wrecking ball to the chest
Knocking me back
Taking my wind
Crippling me with terrible force.
To say you broke my heart doesn't do the pain justice.
Crushed me
Mangled my body into pieces that will never be whole again.
My littlest kin
Why?
Who are you?
The mask you wear shields what you use to be
I remember the conversations
Hours spent teaching you
Coaching you
You, so eager to learn and willing to accept every aspect of my religion
Jah was good to you
Is this the same girl?
The one spitting at my face?
Yelling? Hitting ? Pushing?
Terrible things said send daggers of pain to my heart
Every thump sends shreds of glass through my veins and out my extremities
Only to circle back inside
Endless cycle.
I miss who you use to be
I am loosing faith
When do I walk away?
When do I say it's time to go?
Now.
Now I am done.
Now is enough.
I've held on for so long
The rope has finally snapped.
Things will never be the same.
One step forward twelve steps back,
Why everytime I feel a glimpse of contentment,
I end up crushed?
A wrecking ball to the chest
Knocking me back
Taking my wind
Crippling me with terrible force.
To say you broke my heart doesn't do the pain justice.
Crushed me
Mangled my body into pieces that will never be whole again.
My littlest kin
Why?
Who are you?
The mask you wear shields what you use to be
I remember the conversations
Hours spent teaching you
Coaching you
You, so eager to learn and willing to accept every aspect of my religion
Jah was good to you
Is this the same girl?
The one spitting at my face?
Yelling? Hitting ? Pushing?
Terrible things said send daggers of pain to my heart
Every thump sends shreds of glass through my veins and out my extremities
Only to circle back inside
Endless cycle.
I miss who you use to be
I am loosing faith
When do I walk away?
When do I say it's time to go?
Now.
Now I am done.
Now is enough.
I've held on for so long
The rope has finally snapped.
Things will never be the same.
I know you will never see this, Kelsey. I felt the need to add. I love you with all my heart. The drive home was terrible. I stopped on the side of the road at a feild and got out of my car. I allowed myself to crumple to the ground looking at the stars. Begging for peace. You didn't even care. You sent so help Kelsey. How dare you. HOW DARE YOU. I feel glimpses of anger, but it the purity of this overwhelming sadness is unbearable. It cloaks the anger. I've tried. Don't even say I didn't. I ******* tried. I did everything to my power to save you. Everything. You threw it all back. You will never be able to feel this pain that dwells deep inside me. I am bleeding with sorrow.
