Life is tricky to me
I like to call it science
and I am ready to believe in anything that might be able to give me sustenance like star signs or mythical monsters or

You

When I went to sign up for college I sat in my car for an hour
with the windows up and no air conditioning in the middle of august because I wanted to punish myself for my weakness called anxiety

im really very good at punishment

just ask all the friends I've lost
because I tried and succeeded at ruining them
and then couldn’t hide my smile in the inevitable confrontation
that followed

I told my counselor I would have rather done time than do
community service and she couldn’t hide her shock
and I asked her what did she really want from me

what does she really know about me besides what I let her know

I know that her middle name is Carol and shes 37
and has a little boy because she always drinks out of a cup that says mom and shes always twisting her wedding ring
and she likes black heels and she never gets her toes done
but she does her nails every week at the place two blocks down

I know because ive staked her out
and at Kroger she heads straight to the vegatables and she never eats meat

and she will never know whats really bothering me