I am afraid of what I want.

The longing for eternal slumber only grows

But I don’t have the courage to ravage the deepest layers of myself

Or the drive to find the most lethal combination of chemicals.

I am afraid of the consequences that would follow my failed efforts.

I can’t face anyone now as it is

So I know

I couldn’t bear the damp, questioned looks I’d recieve in the bed of a frigid, steril room.