In the interim…
In the deep, fresh anxiety
That has grappled my heart with so much superiority.
I process all the names that are mentioned.
And as I stand up for the prayer,
I know...
I know because the name I so deeply, desperately wanted to hear;
Isn’t resonating between the walls of my heart .

Dare not let this façade fool you;
I’ve been deeply wounded.
I’ve fallen.

As my heart gushes from this myriad of emotions;
I try to keep my shoulders square,
There where they belong.
For something I’ll always long.

As my head dangles
And my back lies beyond my reach
From this skirmish.
My hope rests in YHWH,
My heart's perfect Lover.
And now I’ll take a ride on this wave;
this unpleasant vessel.

Let my wound be cauterised by the emanating  disappointment that gazes at me.
And let the potent black and white motto soothe my oozing wounds:
Forti Nihil Difficilius
I know.