And I thought I was doing so well

I had this mask on and everything was fine and nobody suspected anything was wrong. Nobody knew you’d gone, why would they?

I’d even started to convince myself that I was going to be ok. That this time it wasn’t going to be as painful. That this time it wasn’t going to hurt quite so much.

After all we’d just never see or hear from each other again right? That always makes it easier to forget, once the pain goes. I mean its not like I didn’t try to talk to you to get you to hear my side but I never got the chance. So it was on with the mask and on with life as best I could.

Sure a couple of people noticed something was up but they just figured it was too much work or allergies and being guys knew better than to ask just in case I actually told them. We do things like that to each other, guys do.

But then today happened.

Today you came back ever so briefly, at least I think you did. You saw the mask and never bothered to look beyond. Just like everyone else.

You saw the mask and thought everything was fine when you couldn’t be further from the truth.

You thought everything was fine and that I’d moved on and I haven’t. I’m still in the ******* ******* hole I’ve been in ever since you left. But how would you know. Why would you even care to find out. You left. You went. You and me, we were done. Because that’s what you wanted. Because you couldn’t see a future in it.

But then why did you come back?

If you had something to say you should have said it. You really should have said it.

I can still smell your perfume, you know.

I can still taste you.

I close my eye’s, and, you are still there.

This mask, this façade, this act that you think is about someone else is all about you. It always has been. These things I’ve written since you’ve been gone are things I wrote before you left. But couldn’t finish.

Now I finish them as a way of keeping you around. Pathetic isnt it.

And now the irony of it all, the true irony, it’s not what you think you know, but it’s that you may never know whats really happening.

Because I didn’t want the world to know just how broken I was.

Just how broken I am

Because until today,

even I didn’t know.