Reality is a mystery that constantly eludes me.  
Sleeping should be an escape,
But instead it brings only more pain.
Memories shatter the peace that I should find.
I see them every time I close my eyes.

Behind my eyes there is sorrow and pain.
Behind my smile lies more of the same.
Truths unspoken,
Fears relived.
Everyday is a struggle to allow myself to live.
The secrets I bear are often too much for me to carry alone.
It's so hard to pretend to be happy when I feel so alone.
Sometimes I wish I was a child once again.
I want to do it over.
But not relive.
I want to have a mommy...
Love tender and pure.
I don't want to be unwanted.
I just want to feel secure.
Held in the arms of safety and unconditional love…
Would I find my peace?
I wish I knew…
I wish she could rock me to sleep.
Comfort my tears.
She…the cause of so much pain for so many years.
But wishes are for children.
Hopes are cruel and unfair.
Dreams are meant to haunt,

And little girls are to be treated unfair.
I'll forget I ever loved her.
I'll learn not to care.
I can hide my pain, my fear, my loss…
No one will ever know it's there.